How To Attract a Girl
by MewGuru
Summary: Women will find creative ways to get what they want. If it means bribing a psychic cat to move her furniture, she's willing to give it a shot. Unidentified girl x Mewtwo pairing. Humor.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the Pokémon merchandise. This fanfiction is met to promote humor and to poke fun at Mewtwo romance in general.

Suspended in the cold night was the white hollowed moon glowing in pride after stealing the sun's rays of light and claiming them for itself. The moon could care less about the vengeful wrath of the menacing fireball that manipulated the planets and the directional fate of orbit for every living thing on Earth. The mischievous floating rock decided to rebel by playfully hiding half of its spherical presence on this particular night.

The people on the planet were too dull and fickle for the moon's liking. They lived short life spans and could care even less as to what shape it tried to disguise itself. Disgruntled by the city lights, the stars refused to be just as playful as the moon by the populated areas covered in rectangular shapes made of steel. The problem was, of course, the humans were starting to fall in love with machine. Humanity spent less time looking to nature for answers, and more towards the lifeless machinery they dedicated their entire lives to.

Unsatisfied with their existence, humanity developed a hunger for knowledge. They rebelled against nature by creating technology and the study of science to make artificial life. Most notably, a cult of humans managed such a feat. This group claimed the title of Team Rocket. Pokémon, whom were natural beings of incredible mystery and power to Earth, were used as companions, pets, and friends by the humans.

Team Rocket was a power-hungry organization in search of rare and valuable Pokémon that could be used for terrorization and destruction. Unfortunately for them, Pokémon were not naturally evil and thus just as unlikely to be malicious and threatening without provocation. The rarest Pokémon, Mew, happened to be the obsession of the Rocket leader, Giovanni. He wanted the pink floating cat for his own evil purposes, even though the powerful kitten was not evil looking enough.

Giovanni sent his best and most intelligent operatives on a mission to find a rare pink cat, or a remarkably slim chance of DNA from the remnants of one. Having spent millions of dollars on the project, failure to a minimum degree was not acceptable. DNA was eventually found of Mew, and so a process of manmade creation and science were put in place to make a pink fluffy kitten of his very own.

The process of gene splicing mutated the clone that was to be brought to life from unnatural means. Giovanni happened to not like the color of pink, for reasons that are not yet discovered, as the clone was gray and purple. Also, to the great foundation of identity bestowing titles, the scientists spent time consuming hours to finally decide on the unoriginal and predictable name of Mewtwo.

Mewtwo eventually gained consciousness after hitting puberty in his uncomfortable tank. The scientists noted that Mewtwo was indeed a human sized kitty cat, and that Giovanni would find it unacceptable if the clone had a cute girly voice in battle. Mewtwo used his telepathic abilities to demonstrate that he actually had a very manly voice, and that he actually had to speak like a badass, for he was not allowed to display sequential sounds of the name Mew.

Mewtwo became the first successful clone of Mew, but he was not born with the emotional and moral support of parents. He therefore, had little experiences with connecting to other people. He didn't have a regular place to live, so he traveled around the city during the night.

The moon was interested in his whereabouts, for it was glowing well on the clear night in the city. The clone resided to watching passerby in his spare time. He settled himself in a comfortable and unnoticeable place on the roof of a building. He amused himself by watching the scurrying humans as they went about their busy lives.

He wondered how many of them were actually aware of the stars, or if only a few of them bothered to leave their city life to enjoy nature in its purist form. Mewtwo's thoughts were interrupted by movement below that caught his attention.

A female human was in a rush to get through the nocturnal crowds. She impatiently went passed anyone within a few inches of space for her to shove through the crowd. A few annoyed people made grunts and gasps of disbelief at her rude behavior as they were heading home from work.

"Out of my way!" She yelled as people unintentionally went in front of her path.

In exasperation, she stepped away from the large flow of people to head through a gap between two buildings. She knew the alleyway well, for she often used it as a shortcut to get away from the large crowds that annoyed her.

She passed a streetlight momentarily, before she managed to come to the alley. Mewtwo caught a glimpse of her appearance in the short amount of time she was walking past. She was just as average as the other human females, and she was carrying a burden that he could not identify.

Interested in her behavior, Mewtwo jumped across the building he was sitting on in order to get a closer look to her whereabouts.

The human continued her journey towards the designation that Mewtwo was curious of. She was briskly walking past the largest buildings and eventually headed to the suburbs surrounding the city. She laid claim to a decent sized home that she approached.

The women struggled to use a free hand to grab her house key from her pocket. The large bag was resting uncomfortably on her hip and its weight tipped her balance.

"Ack!" The female yelped before her shifted weight gave gravity the chance to pull her backwards.

Mewtwo, who was courteous and polite in his reflexes, didn't think about the consequences while he teleported next to the female and prevented her fall. He used one of his hands to gently push her back on both feet.

The woman was quickly relived and appreciative of the unseen stranger's help. Before Mewtwo could disappear, the female turned her head and shrieked.

"Ah!" was the response to his unusual appearance. She could only partially see his face because it was dark outside, but she could tell he wasn't human.

Mewtwo was unable to give an appropriate answer to the situation; he only came to his own defense. "I didn't mean to offend you, human female." He said.

The women dropped the bag and pulled out a can of pepper spray from her purse. She quickly released the spray and aimed it for his eyes.

Mewtwo was surprised by her reaction, but her efforts were wasted. His reflex to the eye assaulting spray was to create a barrier around his body with his psychic abilities.

She blinked in disbelief and decided that her bag was a weapon of choice.

Mewtwo still contained his shield, and the women threw the bag. In earnest effort, it was aimed well for his face, but the object bounced off and landed on the ground.

"What do you want?" She asked, but the stranger disappeared.

The following day, the woman was still startled by the guy that prevented her fall. She wasn't sure what he really was, but she could tell that he looked like a cat.

"Is he some sort of Cat Man?" she said to herself out loud, while struggling to push her couch into her new home. A loading truck was stationed close to her house, but she was alone to pack and move the furniture inside.

Exasperated by the effort, she stopped to take a break. She carefully walked inside her home, which was freshly painted and cleaned. She had most of the smaller necessities moved into the household but the furniture was killing her back.

"I'm so stubborn," she said and grabbed a cup with hot coffee poured. She sat on the floor to her house and pondered upon her next line of action.

She knew exactly where she wanted her couch at, and the rest of the furniture, but it was difficult moving the objects without help.

Speaking of help, she was rather sorry for trying to assault the Cat Man. He was only trying to be helpful. He did save her from having to take a trip to the hospital. She was interested to know how he prevented her assault with the pepper spray.

Then again, her bag bounced off of him without any effort. She was wondering if the Cat Man was magical or something. Maybe he was so exceptionally strong that it would be effortless for the Cat Man to move things. She was pleased with her assessment of the situation. Regardless, she didn't think the Cat Man would risk another incident with her again.

It was a pity, he could be very useful.

She contemplated on the thought of bribery. Maybe she could convince him to move the furniture inside her house. Before she could start making deals, however, it was necessary to lure him back.

She thought about the similarities between cats and the Cat Man. The possibility of catnip intrigued her the most. Surely anything of feline origin could be bribed by the addictive scent of catnip. Her second idea was money, but she wasn't sure if he used currency or if he even lived in the city. The last thought which she doubted the potential for was a reward of a large yarn ball.

Her favorite idea was catnip. She had decided that luring any kind of strong, furniture moving Cat Man would be worth her time and effort.

She waited for the next day before going to the pet store. With money in check, she patted her purse happily before entering the building. The store had a nice selection of products. Food, toys, and supplies were all available for her plan to lure Cat Man. She wanted to buy as many plants of catnip as possible.

She gathered a bundle of pots that held the catnip plant species, and she proudly placed them on the counter.

The cashier gave her a strange look, before charging each plant. When the pots of plants were all paid for, she took her time carrying the merchandise back home. It was a pain that she didn't have a car, but because she lived so close to work; taxis were usually the way to go. She managed to stay in shape physically by avoiding taxis most of the time and instead go walking. Her claustrophobic nature keeps her away from crowds and small spaces. She also detested the germs, which were spread from public bathrooms and restaurants, and taxis tend to have a lot of germs.

Her headstrong and bashful personality kept everyone at an arm's length of distance from her. She communicated best through physical actions rather than emotional ones. She considered moving into her new house without assistance. She was a rational person, and she understood that it was necessary to finally ask for help but she would not seek it from someone she personally knew.

This made Cat Man the perfect guy for the job.

Nearing the end of the day, the sun went down and the moon was present again in the night sky.

Mewtwo cautiously returned to where the female human lived. He was curious as to her behavior. He wanted to be certain that she wouldn't be attempting another fall on her steps again. He was at a safe distance from her house, and he felt a weary sensation in his nostrils. A strange but pleasant scent roamed around the area. It was concentrated and sweetened but he didn't know what such a particular smell was.

Mewtwo decided to creep closer to the household. He felt unsure and strange about the attractive scent that caught his attention. Mewtwo teleported next to the opened door, and he noticed that the lights were off in the house. The aroma was concentrated closest inside her home, and he was certain that it was not a common scent found inside houses. He was unsure if the human female was in danger, or if someone else intruded into her home.

He allowed himself inside of the household, and prepared himself to the possibility of a surprise attack. He placed his barrier up, and hid in the darkest shadows of the house while quietly walking through the building.

The door was suddenly shut, but Mewtwo wasn't concerned about his safety. He kept calm and searched for the origin of the scent that eluded his knowledge.

When he came upon the kitchen in the household, the lights were turned on. Mewtwo glanced at the pots that surrounded the area. They were rooted with a plant species he was unaware of. He guessed that this setup was most likely a trap. Regardless, he wasn't concerned about being threatened.

The female was around the corner, with her arms crossed. She smiled as if victorious.

"Hello," she said to Mewtwo.

Her scent was masked by the thick sweet aroma, for he would usually recognize a human's presence otherwise.

"If you want to capture me, this wasn't a very well made plan." Mewtwo said, grading her ability to make traps.

She smiled regardless, "I wasn't trying to threaten you, Cat Man."

Mewtwo gave an amused look, "Than what is the purpose of your plan?" He asked, chuckling over her name for him.

She grinned as if a lottery was suddenly in her favor, "I want to make a deal with you."

Mewtwo felt relatively relaxed by the scent in the room, "Oh? What makes you think I'm interested?"

She jerked a thumb to one of the plants surrounding the kitchen, "I'll let you have these plants for a favor."

"Are you trying to bribe me?" He said, but quietly considered the sweet aromatic plants unconsciously.

She nodded her head.

"What are these plants?" Mewtwo asked in interest. "I seem to be allured by them by reasons I cannot name."

"It's called catnip." The human female explained, "I noticed that you were a cat, so I knew that there must have been a chance that you would be addicted to the smell of them."

He was musing over her choice of bait, but he didn't mind the scent of the catnip.

"What exactly is your proposal, human female?" He asked.

She sighed and clasped her hands together, "Help me move the rest of my furniture in my house!"

Mewtwo was a bit startled by her exclamation, but he was even more surprised by her request.

"You… want me to move _furniture?" _ He asked with disbelief.

She nodded frantically, "If you can get all of my furniture in my house with your magic, Cat Man, I will let you have all of the catnip in my house!" She said.

"That request is preposterous!" He claimed, "You want me to do your bidding over a few addictive plants?"

She figured that Cat Man wouldn't take the bait alone. He needed _motivation_. She left the kitchen momentarily, and returned with a white, fuzzy female cat in her hand.

She got down on her knees, holding her cat towards Mewtwo.

"Magical Cat Man, if you move all my furniture into my house, I will allow you to have your way with my cat, Princess."

Mewtwo felt insulted by the disturbing offer. "I don't believe that she is my type." He said, "I find that what you are willing to sacrifice is a bit excessive."

Princess didn't seem to mind being in the kitchen, she made her way over to the catnip.

The human female pulled Princess away from Mewtwo's reward.

She sighed, almost looking desperate, "I'll let you have your way with _me_ if you can get my furniture in here!"

Mewtwo chuckled, "But I really do prefer tails." He joked, finding her offer much more amusing.

She started to get angry, her brash personality rearing forward. "I want my furniture in my house!"

Mewtwo sensed that she was getting impatient, and she was rather entertaining begging for help, not that he would get used to enjoying humans beg.

"I accept the begging as a reward. The catnip can be a gift to me." Mewtwo said.

She felt relieved, even a bit insulted. She bit her tongue in order not to make a reply to his answer.

Mewtwo motioned for her to point where the furniture was located. She had him follow her outside to where the loading truck was. She opened the back of the truck where the heavy objects were neatly tucked in.

She pointed to a large desk first, "I want this in my office."

Mewtwo used his psychic abilities to move it effortlessly. Mewtwo's violet colored eyes contained a blue glowing hue as the desired object floated in the direction of the house.

The woman was exceptionally pleased with his skill. She directed him to all of the points in the house she wanted the furniture located.

In as little as ten minutes, Mewtwo has finished the tidy task.

The woman, who was thrilled and awed, was suddenly pleased with his appearance.

"You didn't tell me you were that _good _moving furniture." She said slyly.

Mewtwo was amused again, "I am always confident with my skills." He boasted.

"Tell me, do you have a car?" she asked, wondering about his wealth.

He shook his head, "I don't need a car. I can fly."

The woman was seriously planning her next line of questions. She considered what kind of behavior he had.

"Are you polite?" Was her next question, remembering his rather untimely kindness when he broke her fall.

"I am courteous and considerate when the situation demands it, why?"

"How smart are you?" She interrogated, while inching closer to him.

He seemed oblivious to her behavior. "I have a high brain capacity; your human kin are laughable."

"Are you honest?" She said, while giving him the 'look over.'

"If I was not honest, than talking would be a waste of my time." He said, getting impatient.

She thought about what kind of personality he had. If he was as brash as her, their personalities wouldn't clash well.

"If you can't guess, I prefer to not talk at all." He said, with his arms crossed calmly.

"Are you currently single?" She asked as her last question.

"I do not understand what you speak of." He said in confusion.

"Are you in a _relationship_?" She emphasized with hand gestures.

"I have never been in a companionship." He admitted, "I do not see why I need to."

"I'm sorry, but I have dibs on you," said the woman, "I never quite caught your name."

"My name is Mewtwo, and I will not allow you to claim me. I am not a possession." He said, about to make a run for it.

She caught his arm and dragged him into her house. "I'll tell you my name when we get inside."

Apparently, women look for more than just physical attraction while searching for a man, or a clone. She also considers his personality and manners in a relationship. He has to be willing and able to move furniture when she desires so, and courteous and honest when she demands it. He most importantly must be able to think for himself, and allow her to have her way in a relationship, or at least let her think she is. For men cannot survive long without their love and women ultimately decide the fate to humanity and nature alike, for their word is law.


End file.
